Scale It Back

23Mar10

Ay bay bays! How are you! I have slipped into the luxurious life of not being on my laptop all day, ‘errday, and have been successful at turning into a 5’10” blob on my parents’ couch who does nothing but eat and sleep. It is phenomenal.

Because I have so much catching up to do, I’m going to jump right in with a little experience I had this morning.

I receive a lot of emails regarding healthy weight gain and how not to freak out about it. I can’t lie: It IS tough. But I do know that it’s possible.

This morning, I had my yearly lady doctor appointment (the joys, I know). Going in, I knew they had to weigh me. But with everything in me, I didn’t want to know how much I weighed. For almost every single woman I’ve ever talked to, that number has brought nothing good. It’s brought anxiety, pain, shame, gross pride, tears and countless emotions that shouldn’t be controlled and dominated by a number. Because that’s all it is. A number, a system of symbols.

I’m happy with exactly what I’ve got. Before stepping onto the scale, I told the nurse that I didn’t want to know. I don’t need to know as long as I’m healthy. The nurse didn’t even question me, and she told me to step on it backwards. I did and that was that. I still don’t know that number.

I know this anxiety with numbers plagues more women than I can imagine. And I know that weight issues plague even more than that. But whenever I feel down about my body, I ask myself this:

What do I want to be remembered for?

My answers never have anything to do with my body. I want to be remembered for being a supportive and loving friend/daughter/sister, for being fun, spontaneous, intelligent (I’m being liberal), positive, helpful, a decent writer, a hard worker, a beam of light. I want to offer hope.

So if you’re struggling at all, I urge you to ask yourself that question and see what happens. As dramatic as it may be, it’s always cleared my head.

But back to some fun, light stuff. Like food! Breakfasts have been simply delicious:

Big ol' hunk of whole-grain bread topped with smooshed banana and drizzly peanut butter.

Mango with peanut butter and cinnamon-topped bread.

Cinnamon-peanut butter toast with strawbeezies.

Clearly, I’ve been having a bread love affair. It’s so satisfying!

Lunches have been unpredictable:

Half this lovely carrot-raisin muffin. (Which reminds me-- I miss Muffin!)

Salad with strawberries, cranberries and gorgonzola.

Yagoot! A cup of fruit-topped yogurt is such a diva "lunch."

Salad with a scoop of Whole Foods' hummus. It might be a new fave.

Sweet potato to accompany the salad. Dipped in both ketchup and hummus.

And dinners have been exquisite:

Bread. Always bread.

Tomato bisque at the Polo Grille for MamaJ's birthday!

Polo Grille salad with orange, cranberries, gorgonzola (that was a lot of cheese in one day) and peanut brittle! Brilliant.

MamaJ's bacon-wrapped scallops.

A very necessary flight of martinis.

Home dinner of veggie burger, salad and sweet tater (a whole one, not what was pictured).

That, my friends, combined with tons of cereal and cake, is what helps me reach “uber happy” on the happiness scale. Because that’s what truly matters. Love you!

Ciao for now,

Kailey

Advertisements


79 Responses to “Scale It Back”

  1. hey love!!
    i am soo happy for you!! i am the SAME way w. the doc..i went over the break last week and all they told me is that i was HEALTHY .. and thats all i needed to know! such a great feeling. you are so amazing, kailey, i hope you know that. the things you are going to do for this world are going to be INCREDIBLE, you have already touched soo many lives! I LOVE YOU

  2. I love you and I love you more for sharing your scale struggles with us. I don’t own a scale, my general practioner knows not to tell me what I weigh and when I go to the lady doctor or some other doctor I don’t see often, I just step on backwards, make as little of a deal as possible and say, “I’m a backwards kind of girl.”

    I wish every woman could free themselves of the torment of knowing that stupid, ridiculous, insignificant number. It can only measure your worth if you let it.

    So happy to see you enjoying the family time…eat it up (literally and figuratively)!

  3. I do that EXACT thing whenever I go to the doctor! In fact, at my “lady appointment” last week, I didn’t even say anything, I just hopped on backwards, and that was that. I was proud to not give a damn.

    You are wonderful and amazing, and I feel so lucky to read your blog and your happy, healthy thoughts. Glad you are relaxing a bit at home (while enjoying delish eats)…laying on the couch sounds nice, oh spring break, how I miss it already!!

  4. Lady!!!! YOU AMAZE ME- I never would have thought to step on a scale backwards! It is so great that you know you want to be remembered for the wonderful woman you are! And I’m having a serious love affair with cookies like yours with bread. It is a dangerous one;) Have a lovely evening:)

  5. 5 Amber

    You just made my day! I searched for yagoot in hopes that since there was one in Cinci there might be one in Columbus…and there is at Easton! I’m there!

  6. i LOVE what you wrote about weight and the scale. we are so much more than a number, and as long as we’re healthy, happy, and an inspiration to others around us, there’s nothing more that we need.

    the presentation of your breakfast mango is superb. that’s skills right there, girl! and i’m also loving the great representation of bread/muffins in this post! it all looks soo yummy! i’m always jealous of your eats. πŸ˜€ glad you enjoyed your time at home, as usual!

  7. I was just overwhelmed with respect to you, and you’ve inspired me. No scale for me. I already weighed myself very rarely, but why know at all? You go, girl!

  8. 8 SΓΌnne

    Kailey, this is such an awesome post! You don’t know how much it helped me right now (struggling in recovery again)! I still find myself very dependent on my weight so when my doctor tells me I’m at a “good” weight I feel good for a short moment only and then feel the need to restrict again. It’s really stupid and I can’t seem to break free yet!

    Your blog is really inspirational – thank you so much for it! … and one day I’ll be able to enjoy sweet potatoes, too.

  9. That is so awesome! Good for you for sharing this and for standing up for your own heathy attitude on the weight thing. I have to say, I recently decided to put away my scale after enduring some health issues because I didn’t want that number to cause any unwanted stress. All I want is to focus on is becoming 100% healthy once again, and having any other thing that would distract me from that would just be stupid at this time.

    You rock girl! Total admiration and utmost respect for you always! πŸ™‚

  10. 10 Kelly

    Hey!! love what you had to say about weight just being a number. I constantly feel like I’m judging myself, telling myself I should be watching what I eat more and working out more. It’s awful because it constantly makes me feel bad about myself and not happy with the way I am. I think lately I have done a better job at living a healthy lifestyle and being happy with myself. It’s so hard to get there with all the pressures to look a certain way. One way to get away from this, like you said, is to remember that it’s just a number and it doesn’t necessarily reflect your health.

    All those bread pictures are making me hungry!! πŸ™‚

  11. I don’t own a scale, and I never look either at the weight on the scale. Good for you, girl. πŸ™‚

  12. i didnt think it was possible to have an orgasm from photos of bread. holy $hit! that is a lot of delicious carby loving in one post! props on the scale thing. i don’t even let the doc weigh me. who cares, right? of course right. ive missed you!

  13. This is a really great post! You really make me think with the things you write! I’d say you’re more than a decent writer. It is really sad that we can get so caught up in our bodies when they’re so impermanent, and the things people will really remember about us are intangible! Also, you’re so strong to be able to shun numbers on a scale!
    Great pictures! Have a good night, girl!

  14. 14 Hope

    Hi Kailey !
    Im a 16 year old girl, that stumbled upon your blog and stayed because you are a strong indepent woman that I admire. I relate to you alot having gone through an eating disorder and bursting out in tears while putting the weight on. Thank you so much for your advict and postive outlook !

    • 15 snackface

      Hope! Hi sweet pea! Oh my goodness, how exquisite are you! Thank you so much for your support and for sharing a bit of your story. I truly appreciate it!

  15. 16 Jil

    I hear you about the scale…I use it because it’s nice to know where I am at…but at the same time – it’s amazing what a difference it can make in mood, etc. Anyway – your eats look amazzzzzzzin!! πŸ™‚ The pb&nanner bread looks phenommm.

    • 17 snackface

      Jil- See, I don’t want it to affect my mood like that! I know you understand. For me, I just can’t do it.

  16. kailey! thanks for sharing your story about your docs appt today! you are truly an amazing young woman πŸ™‚
    Jenna

  17. 19 julie

    love the message about the whole weight thang! i agree wholeheartedly with errything you said and couldn’t have put it better myself

    frankly girl, you’re gorgeous, healthy, smart- and that’s all that matters! πŸ™‚

  18. 21 lisa

    kailey, you are awesome πŸ™‚

    i myself haven’t weighed myself since last year. i accidentally left it at my dorm when i moved out (it was hidden under my bed). when i got home to check myself, it was gone. a pretty great slip up for me. i have to force myself not to weigh myself. but i like that. i hate that anxiety over weight. i don’t think it will ever be “just a number” to me. it’s like a grade almost. even if i know i put in my A effort, and got a “C” – i’ll feel bad about it.

    thanks for sharing all of this with us.. it means a lot πŸ™‚

  19. I’ve never even thought about getting on the scale backwards, such a good idea! I don’t usually weigh myself at home because it just causes anxiety, so I’m going to take a page out of your book next time I’m at the doctor’s. Loving all the carbage….it’s so awesome to see people EMBRACING bread instead of running away from it! Life is too short not to enjoy that deliciousness πŸ™‚ Have a great week love!

  20. i want to be remembered for my passion for life, my optimism, my loyalty, my smile, my laugh, and my wit. i don’t see a number on the scale represented in any of those. you are so right, and i love this post!

  21. your eats are looking delish!

    good for you not looking- as long as you feel good- that’s what counts! It’s funny how often we forget that the way our body looks is not on the “remember us by..” list. I would hate to be remembered for hot abs and not my glorious personality- both would be nice, but I’ll take personality over abs any day!

  22. Snacky, your intro is why I (and so many others) adore you! Who cares how much you weigh as long as your healthy?! When I was growing up we didn’t even own a scale so it breaks my heart when I hear people basing their mood off of a piece of metal, you know?

    On to the important things – YUM! Martini flights and bread. That’s all you need in life! Love you, pooks πŸ™‚

  23. Ahhh all that bready goodness looks delightful.
    I agree with you on the whole weighing thing- I haven’t known my weight since last summer when I was discharged from PHP and every few months when I go to the doctor for check ups/weigh ins I tell them that I have no interest in knowing (I’m only told that I have maintained my weight, which is incredible knowing that I can do it intuitively…and with all the collegey late night food runs/mojitos/etc)- it’s so liberating not knowing or caring and I really don’t want to test my limits by finding out that number.

  24. 27 Cecilia

    While I understand and identify with your thoughts about body weight and scales – I am wondering, isn’t it all the more freeing to be able to see that number, and STILL not let it affect you? To be able to see it as just another quantitative characteristic, no different from height or foot size, without tying any additional undue feelings or associations to it?

    I guess when I think about healthy body images, I think of some of my (male) friends… They will weigh themselves either out of necessity (ie.: at the doctor’s) or on whim (ie.: at the gym), see the number, remember it or forget it, and get on with their day. No obssessing, no avoiding.

    Hopefully I don’t come off as a negative-nelly, since I think this is a great topic and am so glad and appreciative that you’ve shared your (very positive) outlook with us. Just wanted to pick your brain!

    • 28 snackface

      Cecilia- You bring up an excellent point. Perhaps it would be more freeing to see a number and forget about it, but what I- and a lot of women– have ingrained in me is the idea of a “right” number and a “right” size height. Especially because I’ve tried my hand in the modeling industry, I have super strong ties to what “should” be a weight for someone my height in order to model. It’s very deep rooted, and I’m not sure I’d be OK seeing a number and forgetting. We’re talking years and years of being told what’s “right” for women of a certain height and in a certain genre. So for me, not seeing a number–after years of heights, weights, measurements determining my worth– is all the freedom I need.

  25. Awww, girl – IΒ΄m so happy for you!
    You managed to follow your instincs, and you went great!
    YouΒ΄re so right – weight is only a damn number!
    πŸ˜€
    YouΒ΄re my hero – did ya know that?
    Hahaha πŸ˜‰
    SUUUCH delicious eats. IΒ΄m even kinda hungry right now, haha.
    Btw – frozen yogurt for lunch? HEAVEN!
    πŸ˜€
    Have a terrific week, girlie!
    Brazilian XOXOΒ΄s,
    Gabriela

  26. 30 Sarah

    I totally agree with you about the scale. Never have I got on the scale and jumped for joy! Too low to, too high…blah blah blah It’s true that weight is simply a number.

    Oh and I have to say that girlll you have a bangin’ body πŸ™‚

    Love your blog !

    -Sarah-

  27. 31 Shelley (findinghappinessandhealth)

    you are SO strong Kailey and seriously such a fantastic role model. I am really happy you chose not to see the number because I know all too well how upsetting it can be. You are such an amazing person and I just feel like you are going to do fabulous things in life πŸ™‚
    LOOVE the eats alwaysss && i have to say the bacon wrapped scallops look so freakin delicious.

    xoxooxo
    shelley

    http://findinghappinessandhealth.wordpress.com

  28. 32 emilee

    since we are on spring break, you have time to read this and you totally should (read it) ! πŸ™‚
    http://www.vogue.com/feature/2010/03/kim-noorda/

    • 33 snackface

      emilee- Just read it. Thank you for this. The modeling world is so insane, and a lot of that really hit home. Oh! And I hope your b-day bash was fantastic! I was in Cali and couldn’t make it. Sorry, sugarbuns!

  29. 34 healthnuttxo

    oh man, i love you girl! you are just soo inspiriing. id say you are definietely known for more than your body- your so sweet, encouraging and just seem like such a GREAT person (even though i havent met you face to face!)
    keep bloggin πŸ˜‰
    Lisa

  30. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my happiest days are when I don’t hop on the scale. There’s no need to even consider that number – it doesn’t determine my strength or my hunger. While the doctor may need to keep a tab on how much mass I’m lugging around, I know I am nowhere near a weight that I need to be concerned about, so I should just go about my business eating hummus and wearing leggings as pants. Enjoy your blob-dom!

  31. Thanks for this post. I’m not “there” yet (I still weigh myself every morning) but I’m working on it.

  32. i dig this post a lot. that’s all!

  33. I’m so grateful to hear that i’m not the only person who does that. i did it last time i went to the doc, but sadly didn’t get the same response. but that’s a whole other story i don’t want ot remember. i’m glad your appt went well though!

  34. Kailesssss!!! You are too fab for words. Seriously! I’m glad you chose to ignore that scale number–it is of no importance! You know what you got, you rock it, love it, flaunt it–what’s a number going to add to the equation?! NOTHINGGGGGGGG!!

    I’m so glad you’ve been just eating and sleeping and chillen on the couch with some good tv! That’s all i did anyways, too πŸ™‚

    I’m loving on all this fresh BREAD!!!!!! Gah, now i’m craving some olive bread. But that pb + smushed naner combo looks divine! And so does the mango shot! I need some mango in my life stat–oh wait! I’ve got a huge bulk bag full of dried mango–that’ll do for now πŸ™‚

    Can you please wish yo’ mamaj a happy bday for me! And please send that fro yo goodness my way!?

    LOVE YOU!

  35. 40 Amy

    Srsly, isn’t Yagoot the greatest thing ever?? LOVE.

    Great post about a topic we all understand: scale hatred. Keep on, girl! Love the blog — can’t wait for the magazine! πŸ˜‰

  36. Good for you for not reading that number! You seem to eat and exercise very well, so whatever number is on the scale is your healthy weight, right? πŸ™‚

    I still weigh myself but at the same time I haven’t had any unhealthy relationships with food so it doesn’t affect me as much as other people do. It is more out of curiousity than anything!

  37. I respect you so much for not focusing on your weight.
    At the end of the day, it’s just a number. What matters is health

    xoxo

    Vera

  38. 43 Ariffa

    “Bread. Always Bread.” I want that written on my tomb stone.
    great post. I concur with all the above.

  39. 44 *Andrea*

    you rock! i have stopped weighing myself too πŸ™‚ it’s liberating!

  40. 45 Patricia

    This is my first time commenting, but I have been reading your blog for a few months now and I love it. And I love this post. On my journey to a healthy weight my mood for the day is often dictated by the number I see on the scale in the morning and I hate that. Anyways, my point is MUCH RESPECT for not caring what that number is!

  41. strawberries, romaine, and gorgonzola- i need to do that combo immediately.

    what i don’t understand about weight, is that i am overweight but all of my chlolesterol, and tyroid, and lipids and all that junk are at a healthy level. YET I AM STILL CONSIDERED OBESE, IT’S SUCH CRAP!!

  42. That is quite an amazing outlook you have. I couldn’t agree with you more.

  43. Yogurt is totally a diva lunch! I love it!! And seriously I’m so proud of your outlook on weight…your an amazing voice!

    xoxo
    Maggie

  44. I admire your willpower for not looking at the scale! I use mine fairly often, and even though the number doesn’t affect me that deeply because I know I’m in a healthy place, every once in a while it does have the ability to ruin my day. Sometimes I’ll look at the scale in the morning and think, “Do I want to deal with that today?” Often I’ll decide “nope” and end up not weighing myself at all. So perhaps eventually I will reach the place where I decide weighing myself isn’t worth the trouble :-).

  45. 50 Danni

    Awesome post, I know it’s probably taken a lot of mental work to get to this point!

    However I agree with a previous poster…if I avoid the scale, it doesn’t mean the feelings have changed. It just means I’m avoiding the situation. I feel so much stronger, healthier and self-confident if I step on the scale randomly and then go “hmm. okay, whatever!” no matter what the number is. If I avoid it, it’s saying that I still give that number power to ruin my day. I’m not saying anyone has to weigh themselves at all, but I also don’t think theres anything wrong with it!

  46. i NEVER ask to know my weight, as long as I am healthy thats all I care about fa shooo…it takes a lot to say :No, i dont want to hear the number” beacuse you do and dont at the same time, but really what is a number? Nothing…it does not represent who we are πŸ™‚ loved this post

    and love that bread, there is almost nothing better

  47. what alot of good food! that bread looks divine!! xxx

  48. 53 Little Bookworm

    Fantastic post Kailey! Amazing perspective! πŸ™‚

  49. Kailey,

    I’m so happy that you addressed the backwards way of weighing yourself. I do it too! And it’s so true…as long as you are doing what YOU need to do to be healthy and happy, it shouldn’t matter. Thank you for reminding all of us about that. [:

    Love,
    Heather

  50. Kailey, what a lovely encouraging post! I’ve been moving past a mild ED since the end of college. Helpful to put the number into perspective. Hope you’re enjoying your spring break in the Nati, if you’re ever in Clifton/Northside let me know – lots of delicious veg dining options down here! Keep up the excellent work on the blog πŸ™‚

    -Allison (the one from Caribou)

  51. I do the exact same thing at the doctor’s office. It’s not big deal turning around–nurses totally understand it–and why tempt the negatvity, no matter how over it you are in everyday life?

  52. 57 lowandbhold

    I love your oozing positivity. It makes me smile πŸ™‚

  53. AMEN SISTA. i love that…what do i want to be remembered for? definitely not my weight. i want to be remembered as somebody who makes people, smile, laugh and bring them joy. if i can leave that legacy, i believe that is a life well-lived.

    enjoy home mamacita πŸ™‚

  54. “who makes people smile, laugh and bring them joy.” no extra comma in there. just wanted to clarify.

    if i was the next liz gilbert, that would be okay with me too.

  55. Wow all of your food looks absolutely positively fabulous!!! And I’m with you, I do not want to know the number of how much I weigh. I go by how I look and feel because a number is just that – a number.

  56. um, MamaJ’s scallops. Yum.

    when i went to my lady parts doctor, she told me that i was at a healthy weight and my jaw just dropped to the floor – i constantly think i weigh more than i should. i think it’s freeing to not see that number, i’m all about going by how i feel and how my clothes fit.

  57. LOVE THIS POST. Nothing else to say. You rule.
    Sara
    http://eatmanhattan.wordpress.com/

  58. 63 Clare

    I’ve gotten into the habit of weighing myself everytime I go to the gym, and although I know that logically I don’t need to loose any weight at all I still feel guilty when I see I’ve maintained despite the fact I know its a good thing. The tricks our minds play on us. Thanks for the mantra – I’m going to keep that one going around in my head when I’m on the scale – inspiring as ever, Kailee!

  59. I do the same thing at the doc. The scale just makes me crazy, so I avoid it. No biggie. As long as my clothes fit I’m good =D

    And those eats…. AHHH girl you have gotten me craving some bread!

    xo
    K

  60. 65 le

    looks like you have a great time, thanks for sharing those great pictures.

  61. 66 Lo

    i couldnt agree more…i didnt look at my doctors appt scale..as long as i was healthy, i didnt need to know! lovin those eats baby cakes…save some cake for me!!

    lolo

  62. It makes my heart happy that you’re at home having a whale of a time and living it up (or down?) on the couch. I am jealous like you cannot imagine. Full time jobs suck salty ones.

    On another note, I love that you stepped on scales backwards! I do not weigh myself either but I have not gone that far before and as such, usually find out my weight about once or twice a year at the docs’. It doesn’t change that much these days and while I would never freak out about gaining a few pounds, I think it’s a nice way for me to check in whilst the rest of my health is being checked to see that I’m not going too far one way or t’other. I totally appreciate/support your not needing/wanting to know…for me, a reminder once a year is good enough.
    Love youxxxx

  63. I wish I had your strength. I’m owned by my scale. I weigh in 2-3 times per week. Not really sure if that’s a healthy thing, probably not, but I went without the scale for months and gained 10 pounds. I am not good at judging by the size of my clothes, or other ways that people judge by, because everything’s a different size!! So kudos to you for your positive body image and kickin’ the scale to the curb!!!

  64. 69 Katherine: What About Summer?

    I love (LOVE) cinnamon but if I don’t have it mixed in something, it burns in my throat! Does this ever happen when you just sprinkle it on your toast? or does butter provide enough moisture?

  65. you already know my thoughts in regards to this post. You also already know how much I love you, but in case you forgot — I ADORE YOU AND WORSHIP THE GROUND YOU WALK ON ❀

  66. 71 ari

    that mango is the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen.

  67. Thank you so much for being such an inspiration! Gorgeous food! Enjoy breakin’ spring in!!

  68. I ALWAYS ask to step on the scale backwards. I have had experiences where knowing that “number” sent me into a tailspin or elation, depending on my expectations. Good for you for being happy with what you’ve got!

    Also, that cinnamon, pb toast with strawberries…extraordinarily!

  69. 74 elise

    top 5 fave posts bc of the intro writing…and that luscious bread. you are amaze. period.

  70. When I get weighed at the doctor I try not to look at the number, and I don’t own a scale. I check out the number once a year at my annual physical but other than that I just don’t want to know. Good call on stepping on backwards – it’s healthy.

  71. i’ve been a longtime lurker but never commented. I just wanted to say thanks for this weight post. I talked about weight today on my blog and I think it’s so important to get wrapped up in NUMBERS. It’s hard but numbers are what cage us into this UNHEALTHY mindset at times. Great post and honesty.

    • 77 snackface

      diana- Wow, thanks so much for commenting and reading. It’s all just a number– it’s so crazy. I was recently having a tough time finding shorts that fit, and then I just went for a greater number– a different symbol. So much better!

  72. I wish I could do the same thing. I always dread going to the doctors because I have to get weighed and I do not get on my scale when I am at home. I have only been in recovery for a very short while… but I found out yesterday when I went to the doctor and found out my weight… I determined that I have maintained my weight for 6 months, they longest I have been able to maintain for the first time since I 12 and I am now 20!! πŸ˜‰


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: