In Honor Of
Hi babies! I hope your Fridays/weekends are off to marvelous starts.
Today, I think it’s finally time that I share a bit of my past in honor of NEDA week. I’ve debated sharing this for the entire time I’ve had this blog, but I feel secure enough to write this.
I often get questions about how I manage to keep my life balanced between schoolwork, dancing my weekends away, eating relatively healthy, eating relatively unhealthy, working out and blogging. The key to doing it all, for me, is to live by one saying:
Love and live your life.
You have to do it. You can’t stay trapped within a crazy, highly structured, rule-riddled world that you’ve created for yourself.
It’s not worth it.
To all the women who are struggling or have struggled with an eating disorder, I have been there. I was searching through my old Facebook photos and I found one that aptly sums up how I felt while caged in by my own torturous little world:
It breaks my heart to look at this and think back about how I used to live. Not live, rather.
My story is no different from countless other women and men who have struggled. For this reason, I feel no need to describe the sadness of three years of my life on this blog.
It is no longer a part of my life. The past is in the past, so it will stay there. We can move forward only when we let go of what’s bruised our lives.
Never again will I keep track of every crumb that enters my body. Never again will I diligently write it in a notebook each night, contemplating how I can eat less the next day. Never again will I dash off to the gym when I fear I’ve over eaten. Never again will I weigh myself at least three times a day. Never again will I go to bed with a grumbling stomach and tell myself I’m just digesting.
I won’t do it.
Our lives are far too beautiful and precious to take for granted. These words are not fresh by any means, but they are true.
To those who happen to be battling an eating disorder, you can do this. You have the strength to leave your demons behind. Please trust me.
For some, recovery comes in the form of treatments, nutritionists, psychologists. For me, it’s been the people closest to me. MamaJ, Popsicle and MattyRich have supported me and celebrated all progress, loving me intensely. Muffin, though, showed me how to live.
I won’t share the deep details of my undernourished years, but if anyone would like to email me for comfort or with questions, please feel free.
My lovely ladies, our lives are too rich and delicious to worry about sizes, weights, measurements and numbers. Numbers are nothing. They can’t measure what matters.
I’m off to get ready for another rowdy weekend. Please take some time this weekend to celebrate life. And always love yourself.
Love and live your life:
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