Jerz Guid


Honey pies! I hope your Monday was as fantastical as possible. Mine started very early and ended very late.

As my alarm rang at 5am, I asked myself, “Self, what’s wrong with you?” Actually, to tell the truth, I was so excited to get up early for a workout that I woke up every hour on the hour the night leading up to it. Isn’t that disgusting?

I made it to the gym by 5:30am thinking there was no way anyone else would be there. How silly of me. There’s a certain breed for which my lovely friend Lauryn has helped create a name: the Jerz Guid. Jerz being short for Jersey, Guid being short for Guido. In the dark morning hours, they’re pumping iron already. And I love it.

With plenty of man candy strutting about the gym, I must say I had one of the most entertaining workouts in years. I cannot wait to bust out another workout on Wednesday! Also, I discovered this piece of equipment that’s like an elliptical, but sideways. It works inner and outer thighs and is hell. Love!

By 6:35 I was back at the apartment and in the shower. I felt supa energized and accomplished all day.

To keep me going throughout the 9 to 5, I packed some essentials:

Tea for always, apple for whenever, Builder for breakfast.

I have a problem that I should share. I’m paranoid that I’m going to be late, so I leave almost an hour to a half-hour early every morning. It gives me plenty of time to pick up my addiction, settle into my desk and do blog things:

Starbeezies black coffee with soy. Hunk o' stale bar. Still edible.

The work day was a little slow. My direct boss was out of the office and I just hung around if anyone needed me. Certainly did major work on the Google Reader. I did look somewhat glamorous, though:

And by glamorous I mean ridiculous.

Black cigarette pants, black flats, H+M jacket and a blue button-down. This is actually something I would have legitimately worn in high school. I had a thing for dressing business-casual. I’ve always been an odd bird.

I waited until 1:20pm to fetch lunch, which was an absurdly long time to wait. Hunger headaches are the worst. All I wanted was soup, but the place I randomly selected for lunch only had split pea–made with poultry. Stupido. Not knowing where to turn, I relied on ol’ faithful:

Apple with a sad salad.

In the tiny salad: mixed greens, corn, chickpeas, cucumber, roasted red pepper and some fat-free dressing. AKA no substance. AKA I was starving the rest of the day.

You can imagine my hunger gradually growing throughout my evening half-hour commute. What you’ll see below, my lovely petunias, is why health experts advise small meals throughout the day. Because you’ll turn from a SnackFace to a SnackMonster.

It started with a couple new purchases:

To make up for that split-pea craving.


Trap. How can I resist Food Should Taste Goods when they're on sale for $1.99?!

The eating ensued in courses. Course one:

Split pea doused in Cholula. Even better with lime chips crumbled atop. (Do it.)

Alongside, course two. Or, course one, part two:

Ezekiel with hummus, lime chips, tempeh with almond butter and raspberry fruit spread, cucumber slices to cleanse palette.

All of this was absolutely scrumptious. However, it was not enough. Next course:

Other half of Crumbs red velvet cupcake. Somewhere between fridge-y and stale. Still good!

If there’s something we all know it’s that cupcakes are fluff, not filling. If hunger were shoes, eating a cupcake is like trying to pull off a Payless shoe as though it’s a Louboutin. Perhaps that only made sense in my mind. I’m rolling with it.

Basically, I had to eat more:

Weetabix with almond milk and almond butter.

Finally, at 7pm, I was satisfied. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I stayed up until 1am watching Curb Your Enthusiasm (hilarious), which is completely new to me. What we all also know is that television-watching requires snacks. Into the chip bag my hand dove. A carrot with peanut butter may have also met my lips. That sounded unnecessarily raunchy. (What a perfect description of me!)

I hope you haven’t been horrified by the major SnackFace marathon that occurred. I’m not. That’s pretty standard, actually. Perhaps a little tame.

Anyway, I’ve figured that I can blog from work! WOOHOO!!! Who’s happy about this? I am! I shall be back tomorrow with today’s deets and, I’m hoping, stories of encounters of the Jerz Guid kind.

Ciao for now,


QUESTION: Do you eat on a schedule, at certain times? Why or why not?
I don’t. Well, kinda, kinda not. Breakfast now falls between 8am and 9, lunch could be anywhere between noon and 2pm and dinner could be anywhere from 6pm to 8. Actually, I’m pretty sure dinner never stops for me. I definitely don’t have any rules such as, “I’m not eating past 9pm.” That’s just wackadoodle.


61 Responses to “Jerz Guid”

  1. im almost a definite for this weekend! i’ll let you know, i cant wait to meeeeeeeeeeeeet πŸ™‚

  2. 2 homegirlcaneat

    HI HI HI! SO excited to be able to read about you daily again!!! πŸ˜€ I am in the library, high on coffee, and about to write an essay about philosophy! Who am I? A college student? When did this happen? Take me back to the Blarney! Except…I do secretly love it πŸ™‚

    Aren’t morning workouts the best???? Okay, your next step is to SERIOUSLY do a morning spin class. They are insane. You burn like 600 calories and get to listen to awesome beats with really motivated people!

    I ate cinnamon-banana-oats this morning. SOOO GOOD! And last night, I had a huge spoonful of raw almond butter… and after talking to you, I do actually love it. Good thing I have a huge jar of it still! πŸ˜€

    YAYYYYY I have lots of love for you right now (when do I not?) and really want a red velvet at Christmas when I back in da California.


    • Coffee buzz is the best. Coffee drunk? Not so much. Definitely why I don’t drink coffee much anymore Lolz

  3. Lovin’ the fashion pose! πŸ˜€

    I don’t eat on a schedule either – I’m learning to just honor my hunger and not delay it.

  4. I love you have have eye candy to look at in the gym…buahahaha! Doesn’t it feel great doing early morning workouts? I love them. How are the FTTG Lime chips? I’ve had most of the other flavors, but never seen the lime.

    As for food schedules, I eat all the time, and no usually on a schedule – it’s just whenever I’m hungry. πŸ™‚ And I’ve stayed up many a night watching Curb. We love it.

    • 6 snackface

      Jessica- Ah! I totally forgot to say how AMAZING the lime chips are. It’s the perfect balance of lime and sea salt, unlike Tostitos lime ones, which taste artificial to me. If you spy them, I highly recommend the FSTG limes!

  5. yay for you being able to blog at work!!!
    you look incredibly beautiful at 6am..and have inspired me to do morning workouts! i LOVE morning workouts but I like sleeping better..but I guess I need to prioritize. I sleep tooooo late..and im NOT typically a late sleeper, so I dont like doing that! I guess that’s what college does to a girl.
    i have fo real woken up every hour because of a morning workout.. super glad you admitted that bc i thought i was psycho!!!
    my eating schedule everyday varies..i eat everything later on MWF and earlier on T, TH.. weird, huh?
    I DEF eat past 9am.. i eat at like 12am every night..muahaha

    • 8 snackface

      kbwood- About the morning workouts, I always ask myself, is another hour of sleep going to make much a difference? For me, no. I generally feel the same no matter how much I sleep, plus, I think energy levels can be a total mind game, ya know? Also, I’m glad to know that should we ever be roommates, we can snack together at night.

  6. 9 shell625

    hahaha loove how you referred to rules such as not eating past 9 as wackadoodle– i guess i like to eat on a schedule, but beign in school it just doesn’t usually work out in my favor! oh well- i’ll survivvee
    glad u survived/enjoyed your super early workout… dont know if i could get up that early!!


  7. I love how you put PB and jelly on your tempeh.. I always go for tamari sauce.. yummy switch up!! Im totally on a schedule (hello 85 yr old woman in 26 yr old body). I teach, so the kiddos eat the same time everyday meaning SO DO I if I wish to fuel myself!

  8. 11 fruitsveggieslife

    Oh, how I love the adventures of my favorite Snackface. Love you! As far as a schedule goes… I’m sort of like you. Breakfast about 1-2 hours after I wake up, lunch noon-1ish, dinner 6ish. Ish.

    I can’t WAIT to get back to working out.

  9. 12 Katie

    I have been reading your blog now for awhile and totally love it. You and all the other blog chicas out there inspired me to start my own. Check it out, por favor! Hope you’re having the time of your life in New York — it seems like it is YOUR city, fa sho. πŸ™‚


    • 13 snackface

      Katie- Thanks so much! I checked yours out this morning and am pumped to see more!

  10. Oh I am definitely on a schedule…and I get very put out if it gets messed up! And it usually results in some pouting and bad eating ha!

  11. Morning workouts are my favorite!! I always feel so much more awake the rest of the day. Also, I lol-ed at the title before reading the rest of your post…Ever seen “My New Haircut” on Youtube? Hil-arious.

    PS, you’ve inspired me to stop scrubbing it to class because you always look so cute and put together…and I can’t even explain how great it’s been! It’s a confidence booster in itself, and for some reason I feel more productive. Weird? Oh well.

    Have a great day girl!! ❀

    • 16 snackface

      Diane- OMG My New Haircut gets me EVERY time. Hilarious. Awww so glad you’ve found some inspiration in my nonsensical ‘fit pics! I always believe that when I look put-together, I feel put-together and that will make for a better, more productive day. Bizarre, but it helps! GIT IT GIRL!

  12. 17 MamaJ

    Take your cel phone to the gym and take pics of these men with no necks. Don’t hold back you must share. OXOX Mom.

  13. I sit in a sad, gray cube all day so scheduling my meals is kinda the highlight of my day! Bout to grab some pita chips and hummus now!

    BTW, I agree with MamaJ. The guys with no necks are the best.

  14. Unfortunately eating on a schedule is part of my pesky eating disorder. I feel like I “have to” eat at certain times and I get overly anxious when I don’t eat at that specific time. I’m working on it though.

  15. i live in south jersey and youre right! theyre out super early! unfortunately for me, most of them are over 40.. ick

  16. 22 Jessica

    For some reason, the visual of a high schooler dressing “business casual” makes me crack up. That’s so funny/cute!

    I don’t eat on a schedule, per se, but I end up eating around the same time everyday because that’s when I tend to always be hungry. I start most days with a green juice (around 7:30-8 a.m. on weekdays). If I am hungry after that, I’ll have a Larabar or some raw granola or a smoothie mid-morning. I take lunch between 11-1:30, depending on my hunger level. Sometimes I have a mid-afternoon/pre-dinner snack (though I’m trying to bulk up my lunches so I’m not FAMISHED at dinnertime like I normally am). Then dinner between 5:30-7:30, depending on what I make & when it’s done! Instead of making myself stick to a strict eating schedule, I try to listen to my body & eat when it tells me I need food. I hear/read conflicting things about this – “Eat at the same time everyday, regardless of whether or not you’re hungry.” Then “Eat only when you’re hungry. If you’re not hungry for breakfast, don’t eat it!” Then “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day & should be your heaviest.” It’s confusing! So, I just try to follow my intuition…

    Looooong comment. Whew. πŸ˜‰

  17. I’m cheering on the inside because I had a snack-attack yesterday too! Craziness. I eat breakfast and lunch at the same times on weekdays but the rest of my meals/snacks are sporatic and hunger-based.

    I always go for the non-filling fluff (cupcakes!) instead of veggies or filling, voluminous foods. Not sure why, it must be the low blood sugar talking.

  18. 24 Natalie

    i eat on a schedule because my job is very structured and we close for lunch so obv i eat then, but dinner could fall anywhere from 5-9 depending on when my afternoon snack was and how long it held me over. i am so glad you are able to blog at work for free! yay!

  19. love seeing your daily eats! oh my gosh I get so worried about being late as well! I, too, leave early so I can get to class and not feel rushed. I do eat on a schedule, because my metabolism is like WOAH! my schedule: eat every 2 – 3 hours. so that I stay on track and make sure my hunger is satisfied. πŸ™‚

  20. ay baybay, a mental image of you taking on that loco sideways elliptical thang just brightened mi dia. AM gym guidz make for the BEST entertainment. i need to take advantage of the Brooklyn breed more often with some manana workout action. but a 5 am wake up? i could nevah. props to you.

    as for eating on a sched? also nevah happens for me. i think, like you, certain meals end up falling within certain time frames–but dinner is almost always an ongoing event. i don’t believe in cut-off points. food is food. cals are cals. it makes no difference when you getcha eat on. sometimes i fall asleep food in hand… though that’s usually alch-induced.

    speeeaking of which, can’t wait to get our vino on togethaaaa!

  21. your shoe metphor was nothing shy of genius. I lurve you! I understand the whole snacking thang. I picked up a pint of coffee and oreo ice cream (aka evil temptress flavor) and its pretty much gone. Oh yea, thats what happens when I miss lunch..I eat ice cream. No shame. I enjoy all your snackfacey meals. Oh and lets start planning our dinner date soon! Are you thinking downtown? uptown? I am staying in TimeS Square…aka by the gignatic whole foods. Cant wait to get our steeze on, n meet the hott benjamins in da clubs.

  22. hahah I’m totally like you too!! I have to be at X place early no matter what so I’m not paranoid I’ll be late. It works out FABULOUS for interviews though! πŸ™‚ I eat on a schedule from Mon-Fri because work basically dictates my life. I also get hungry like clockwork. hahaha On the weekends, I have the strangest appetite but one thing is for sure…I’m always hungry when i wake up!!

  23. I used to have a pretty set meal schedule just because that is what worked with my schedule schedule. Now everything is all shot to hell though and my eating patterns are very different! For instance, instead of snacking on a few small meals throughout the day like they say is healthy the college meal plan has forced me to get used to two big meals and maybe soooome snackage in between. wackadoodle? I feel like it is! haha

  24. Hello Hello

    I do read your blog all the time.
    I am so inspired by most of your eats. i strive to eat have your balance..
    all of your meals look awesome.
    i would definatly call myself a snacker, mostly. too.

  25. yay i tend to eat roughly around the same time each day! love all of your eats:)

  26. Ah yes, the Dirrrty Jerz Guids. For whatever reason, Pennsylvania colleges are full of them and they really are just entertainment for the rest of us. I went to Long Island this summer and just spent an entire day watching them on the beach. Between running around with a football and admiring their reflections in their sunglasses, they seemed more interested in themselves than in the ladies in bikinis all over the place.

    I find that I really have to eat every 3 hours or so, starting at 8 am and ending around 11 pm. It doesn’t matter how much or what I eat at the different intervals. I NEED to snack or else I am a very angry girl with low blood sugar. I think it has a little bit to do with eating vegan but I kind of enjoy needing to frequently stuff my face!

  27. hello snackfacey, so lovely to see you!
    haha i had a thing for dressing business casual in high school (and middle school) too πŸ˜€
    love that you put chips in your soup- i’m so gonna try it
    hope you’re having a great day!

  28. 34 Zaineb

    Kailey, so happy u is regular now!(i mean blogging, ofcourse)
    Puhleez, that is half of what i eat on a normal day, but then again i am a growing teen. insight.

  29. You said “petunia” = I love you.
    I am loving all that snackage! I ate like this last night as well: red wine, baguette with butter, gnocchi with tom sauce, more bread with butter, carrots and hummus, french madelines, tea…it went on. Love.

    Oh! I also adore Weetabix. I haven’t bought it in maybe six months because I was becoming tres boring with my cereal picks but I must reinstate it to its rightful place (in ma belly).

    Have a lovely evening!

  30. I used to eat according to “times” but now I just listen to my hunger. During my lunch hour, if im not hungry, then I wait till later at eat stuff in other classes.. its better for your body that way πŸ™‚

  31. Love love your blog! Do not know how I didn’t discover you gem earlier! Keep up the snacking πŸ™‚

  32. Not horrified at all! I’ve been doing the same since my schedule is all crazy! Love all the snacklicious eats πŸ™‚

  33. 39 Mandee Lei

    You make me want to wake up at 5:30 am and work out. I want to now, but I know I wont tomorrow morning at 5:30 am. As far as eating goes, I eat breakfast at 9ish, lunch at 3-4pm, snack at 6:30-7pm, dinner at 9:30pm and then I eat until I fall asleep normally haha. I guess my eating is a bit weird as well but hey it works and makes my own personal snack face quite happy. I am just not hungry during the AM/lunch hours. If I do not satisfy my late night snack face it has been known to wake up in the middle of the night to shovel in food. And that just don’t work cause I prefer to actually consciously enjoy my food! I’m interested that you put almond butter and jam on tempeh. That’s a new one for me, I’ll have to give that a go sometime.

  34. Oh my gosh too funny at the gym. Guidos can also be found roaming the streets of Westchester, or at the salon tanning/getting their eyebrows waxed, otherwise definitely pumping iron. It’s quite fascinating to watch…. they’re actually quite an interesting species πŸ˜‰

    Look at you, you gorgeous thing you. Love the outfit!

    I eat on a ridiculous schedule, if I don’t I get a headache and act cranky. So for the sake of my tummy and the well-being of others, I eat on time.

  35. Honey pie!!! Oh damn girl that cupcake looks gooooood. I love your stash of teas to get you through the day πŸ˜‰ I like to eat on schedule because if I don’t then I just feel “off”. But I’m working on eating due to my hunger, so sometimes I eat off-schedule. But when I’m off it just feels weird!

  36. No strict schedule here, but not from lack of wanting one. I would enjoy a food schedule, but work often intervenes. I usually end up eating breakfast betweeen 5:30 and 7:00 lunch between 11:30 and 2:30, and dinner between 7:00 and 9:00. A snack or two may be thrown in depending on hunger for the day.

  37. Squeee!!! XD Regular posts! So excited!! I’m such a big fan of your blog – reading your adventures helps get me through the boring hours at work lol πŸ˜›

    And yes, blogging from work ROCKS! I always type it up in an email first then copy and paste – that way it just looks like I’m writing an email if anyone catches me hahaha πŸ™‚

    As for eating schedules… pfft! No way, I eat when I’m hungry! Which can get pretty erratic – I’m a sucker for midnight snacks as well (a big bowl of soy icecream if usually my vice!!) But I hate sticking to a routine anyway, which is why I couldn’t possibly eat at the same time everyday!!

    Can’t wait for the next post!! πŸ™‚

  38. 44 Sara

    More guido stories PLEASE!!!

  39. When I’m excited about a workout I wake up every hour too!! Eek…and I can definitely relate to you and miss Lauryn’s Jerz Guids..they basically live in my apt gym.

    I do eat on a schedule, like I like to have breakfast by 8 or 8:30am at the latest, and then I have a snack sometime between 10-11:30 depending…then lunch, then afternoon snack, then dinner. I find that I need to keep my schedule even when not hungry, because hungry Jenny is stupid, mean, annoying, just plain dull Jenny. So my schedule keeps me sane πŸ™‚

    You’ve inspired me to want a pair of ciggy pants.

  40. ohhhh…H&M is the best…so trendy and cheap!

    sometimes i have a schedule of when to eat, but i wing it most of the time.

  41. Hahah Jerz Guid – I love that term. I can totally picture them at the gym in the wee morning hours.

    I have a schedule only because my job (elemtary school teacher) kind of necessitates it. I eat when the kids are at lunch. But on the weekends, I’m a grazer…allllll day.

  42. “Snackface to SnackMonster”…LOVE IT!!! I hate when I don’t bring snacks and then wind up ravenous. I don’t eat on a schedule, although I *try* to eat a meal (protein and carb) every 3 hours. Keeps the blood sugar stable and doesn’t mess with the metabolism. (and at my age…LOL) Every little bit helps!!!

  43. HAHAHAHA. jerz guid is genius.

    i had a totally snacky day today too, and i j’adore your outfit. and you. gchat tomorrow – LOVE YOU!

  44. p.s. i heart erin b. – i am so mad she’s not blogging anymore. down to hell we go together πŸ™‚

  45. 51 crazylittlethingneela

    you must have some german blood in you. germans are famous for always being super punctual πŸ˜‰ so i’m always on time.
    i am so excited that you’ll be blogging more often from work! work must be awesome πŸ˜‰

  46. 52 SΓΌnne

    Haha, great post! I wish I was always in time – I’m just not good in timing things right … oh, well …
    And I know what you mean by saying “SnackMonster” – that’s why I try to eat on a schedule (even when I’m not really hungry after 2 1/2 hours or so) so I’m not ending up super-starved. I try to avoid other people when I’m hungry because it makes me bitchy, haha!

    How do you like the Cocoa Yogi tea? I’m such a chocolate tea addict (the flavours are a bit different around here, though)!

  47. 53 Jennifer

    Your writing CRACKS me up! Not a post goes by were I’m not rolling! Honestly, your blog is my new fave – and beleive me, I read some good ones.

    However, no well in hell you’ll ever convince me that I need to work out that early in the morning. No way no how! I do, however, think we need to see a couple of pics of the Jerz Guid guys. You can black out their eyes like they do in Glamour.

    P.S. The outfit was super cute

  48. ahahah.. love the term. and love cholula, in everything, including soup. and those chips are addicting, you definitely were trapped. thank god you finally tamed the hunger beast. i am fairly certain i need to try weetabix w/ AB soon.

    marshall & i had a season 7 marathon of curb your enthusiasm the other week. i’d never seen the show. holy shit! that is funny stuff. the bit with the 9 year old and her hoo hoo? i was laughing. hard.

    i used to eat on a schedule but it was too much effort. now i eat when i wanna.

    i love you!

  49. lovvvvee the blog. snackface all the waaayy

    i def eat on a schedule. And it mostly goes that I eat every 3-4 hours. Breakfast at 8, Lunch at 12, Snack at 4, Dinner at 8, and I agree, more is often needed post dinner, so I usually have a snack around 10 as well.

    Gotta fuel the body chuuu knooooo?

    keep on blogging, ill keep on reading πŸ™‚

  50. Yayy, snackface is back in ma life on the daily! LOVE THAT. Especially since our schedule’s are NOT coinciding lately, meaning I haven’t gotten to talk to you on the gchat in forev. Boo 😦 Basically these next few weeks are gonna be cray for me on some days, and absolutely boring and horrible on the others! I’ll find a way to harass you on the boring days, have no fear!!

    Sooooo first of all, SO happy that you had another fab workout! And got to see some GUIDOS. Ahahahahaahhahahah!!!!!!!! And how good are those lime chips?!! Sarah knows her stuff! And the split pea too!! Did you like?! Only way to eat it is with lots of hot sauce! πŸ™‚ The hummus-y toast also looks delish! Mmmm, now i’m craving some roasted red pep hummus!

    Sorry about having to deal with dem’ hunger headaches!!! Those are the worst. Oh well, lesson learned right?! I LOVE YOU!!!!! Hope today’s workout went amazingly and that those lime chips are already GONE-zo. Do me proud!

    Oh, and my eating schedule revolves around my classes! Breakfast at 8:30ish before class, lunch at 12-1ish in between classes, snack a few hours later and have dinner upon returning from classes, around 6 or 7! Anddd, more snacking always ensues between 10 and 11ish, when i’m finishing up my homework/needing a break (aka blog reading or HULU-watching) !!!!!! XOXOXO

  51. If I’m exercising consistently (yoga, running, volleyball, horse back riding) then ideally I eat every 3 to 4 hours. I.E.:

    Wake up at 6 am Breakfast
    Snack at 9 am
    Lunch between 12 and 1 pm
    Snack at 3 pm
    Dinner at 6 pm
    Snack at 9 pm

    HEAVEN. Ideally too I’d have bought enough groceries to sustain me.

  52. Heyyy,

    Random ques…I notice sometimes you drink Coconut milk. What kind do you buy? Regular? Unsweetened?


  53. You are just too much sometimes! : )

    I completely agree with you that rules about eating at night are just silly. Night time is made for eating!

  54. uhm. can i just say i love that you are not ashamed of what you eat! i eat like a mad woman at times. okay, all the time. any time i step into the kitch (even to throw something away) i never leave empty handed. food is just too good NOT to eat. you are adorblae BTW and your outfits…you DO look like Blake. You should just meander on to the GG set and be like “alright peeps, I’m ready.”

    weetabix + almond buttah + almond milk = HOW HAVE I NEVER THOUGHT OF THIS!!!


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